How She Outsources

Soon after we got married, my husband, David, needed a haircut. We were both juniors in college, and therefore had no money to speak of. My mom had always cut my dad’s hair, so I thought this would be a good way for us to save some cash. I cheerfully set up a stool outside, grabbed the clippers and scissors—and butchered his hair. The only solution at that moment was a buzz cut. But the long-term solution was outsourcing. I never cut his hair again. And that is one reason we’re still happily married today.

Outsourcing is a weirdly fraught topic for moms, partly because of cultural expectations of what we should be doing, partly because of gender stereotypes, partly because of whatever our own mothers did, but maybe even more because of the pressure we put on ourselves to do everything and be everything to everyone. Then there’s the cost. We think, “Maybe outsourcing works for moms with a certain income—wouldn’t that be nice.”

In this post, we’ll talk a bit more about some of the barriers to outsourcing and then we’ll talk about creative ways moms outsource all sorts of jobs, on all sorts of budgets.

Barriers to Outsourcing

We all have preconceived notions of what we should be doing as moms, whether that’s cooking healthy, gourmet meals every night; creating Pinterest-worthy crafts with our kids; getting down on the floor and playing with our kids, or keeping an immaculate house. Once we realize we can’t do it all and really don’t even want to do it all, we may feel guilty or inadequate.

This guilt affects moms in all different working situations—those who mom full-time, those who have another full-time job in addition to their mom gig, and the ever-growing area in between.

Many moms feel like hiring someone to help clean, babysit, or anything else, is like admitting defeat—admitting they can’t manage everything.

But in fact, you probably already outsource more than you realize. Laura Vanderkam, an author and time-management expert, and co-host of the podcast The Best of Both Worlds talked about outsourcing way back in episode 8. She says, “Unless you are sewing your own clothes, you have chosen to outsource that to factories that make clothes. Unless you are growing your food from scratch like on a farm, you are outsourcing to farmers. You are probably choosing to outsource your package delivery—you are not driving to Wisconsin to deliver your package. Everybody outsources stuff.”

Laura, a writer and mom of five, and her cohost, Sarah Hart-Unger who is a physician and mom of three are both outsourcing experts, and they share so many great ideas in this episode.

Another barrier to outsourcing is feeling like it seems wasteful or even entitled to hire someone to do something they can do themselves. This is how Monica Packer, host of the podcast About Progress, felt for a long time. In her episode, “Yes, You Can Outsource Your Normal Life,” she says, “As a stay-at-home mom, I would never consider outsourcing things for a very long time, and that’s thanks to how I grew up, with very hardworking parents….they did everything themselves.”

Because of this, she had the mentality that she would never spend money on something she could do herself. She even found herself being a little judgmental of people who did. But now she outsources many things both in her home and for her business. She realizes now that a lot of things on her lists can be done by someone besides her.

I also felt hesitant the first time we hired someone to help clean our house. My husband had been prodding me to do it for months. We had four kids six and under, including a brand-new baby. I was buried under a deluge of dishes and toys. My husband is a busy surgeon, so he wasn’t physically around enough to be much help.

Still, I thought, if I could just figure out a better system, I could take care of the kids and the house. Wasn’t that my job as a full-time mom?

My husband was all for outsourcing, and he brought up some great points. For one, if we were hiring a nanny to take care of the kids, I wouldn’t also expect her to take care of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. And then the kicker. He said if I still wasn’t convinced, I could think of hiring a housecleaner as outsourcing the contribution he wished he could be making, if he didn’t work so much. Neither of us wanted him to spend the little time he had with the family doing chores.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I realize I didn’t even need those justifications. The fact was, I needed help, and it was a great strategic decision to get some. There’s nothing wrong with getting help when you need it.

I now know that most of the guilt we feel about outsourcing is entirely in our heads. We make it all up. A lot of the things we spend our time doing could be done just as well or better by someone else. And maybe some of it doesn’t need to be done at all.

I’m definitely in favor of relaxing our standards and embracing the chaos of the season we’re in. There will be plenty of time to have sparkling floors when are kids are grown.

While we’re losing the guilt, let’s also get rid of embarrassment and judgement. Be honest about what you outsource with others. There’s no need to be embarrassed about hiring a housekeeper, as long as we’re not rubbing it in someone’s face. It can be very reassuring for a friend to know that the reason your house looks immaculate is that you paid someone else to do it. On the other hand, don’t judge others for outsourcing things you don’t choose to outsource. I’ve been guilty of this myself, especially when I lived in the same school boundaries of an extremely affluent neighborhood in Florida where even stay-at-home moms had nannies. Everyone was astonished that I had three children at the time and no help.

The next perceived barrier to outsourcing is budget. But I first started outsourcing in earnest when my husband started his surgical residency. Since I had quit my job by then, and he made very little money, this plan involved lots of teamwork with other friends in my same situation: cooperative outsourcing. We outsourced childcare to each other, organizing babysitting swaps and play groups. We outsourced meal prep, synchronizing calendars and scheduling joint dinners. We painted each other’s houses, planted each other’s gardens, and took turns teaching fitness classes. Outsourcing doesn’t have to be expensive.

As we go through different things moms outsource in this episode, we’ll always start with the least expensive option and move up from there.

Outsourcing Strategy

But before we get into that list, let’s talk about strategy for a minute. Years ago, my mom accurately identified my life motto as, “I can do that.” If I see something that needs to be done, my first inclination is to learn how to do it, and do it myself. Resourceful? Yes. Stupid? Also yes. With this strategy, it often takes me at least twice the time—usually much longer—to do a worse job than someone who actually knows what they’re doing.

A smarter strategy is take a look at our priorities, our resources, and our abilities, and determine what to do ourselves and what to outsource. For this exercise, it’s useful to list tasks you currently spend your time doing, things you feel like we should be doing but aren’t, and things you want to be doing but haven’t made time for.

I suggest making three separate lists, actually—one for managing your household, one for parenting, and one for personal development. Often we confuse household management with motherhood, but once you parse them out, those household management tasks usually become the most obvious things to outsource. Yes we have to make sure our kids are fed and clothed and sheltered, but the essence of being a mom is about developing relationships, teaching them, and coaching them.

Maybe more importantly, we should figure out what parts of motherhood and household management we enjoy, and what we really don’t. What part of motherhood gives you a sense of fulfillment and identity and what tasks could easily be done by someone else. Other people can make food for your family. Other people can scrub your toilet. But maybe you’re the very best person to snuggle up with your daughter and introduce her to Anne of Green Gables. You’re the one who knows how to pacify your tantruming toddler or teach your son how to apologize to his friend.

If you want to take a deep dive into this, I highly recommend taking Rachel Neilson’s course, Declutter Your Motherhood. She offers this periodically both online or in person. You may know Rachel as the host of the 3 in 30 Podcast. I’ll let you know when the next one is coming up. In the workshop, she had us examine our motherhood Marie Kondo style, writing down everything in our metaphorical motherhood closets, examining them one-by-one and only putting back in what we wanted to keep.

My sister-in-law, Heather Kellersberger, is one of the most capable and resourceful people I know. She can clean a house like you wouldn’t believe. She can fix anything and has a black belt in IKEA. But even though she can do everything herself she doesn’t. She says, “I look at it as kind of a Venn diagram of time, money, and talent—your resources vs. what you’re good at.”

Yes, Heather is good at cleaning, but it’s not where she wants to be spending her time. She wants to spend her precious weekend time with her husband and son. So she hires a cleaner once a month to do the deep cleaning. She’s building a house, and hired a designer because she wants it to look good, but doesn’t have the time nor talent to make all of the little decisions about design, finishes, wall color, etc. She outsourced her fitness plan for accountability and expertise.

Heather is a senior manager of industry marketing at Adobe, and much of her outsourcing strategy is informed by her experience in the business world. “At work, there are some things that I’m responsible for doing, but I outsource it to an agency and I manage the agency to do work for our team.”

In an article for Inc. Magazine, Michael Alter, CEO of a tie bar identified 5 questions to ask when deciding whether to outsource. Not all of them are applicable, but here are a couple that are:

“Is the task at hand a primary service or offering from your business? If not, don’t waste valuable time on it. Do what you do well…Is it a commodity—something someone else can do better and more efficiently?…Are the costs of the service lower than what it would take in time and manpower to get it done in-house?”

Another breakthrough in the way I thought about outsourcing strategy came from the outsourcing episode of the Best of Both Worlds podcast that I mentioned before. Laura Vanderkam cautions that sometimes we outsource things thinking they will save time but they don’t actually replace anything we were already doing. For example, if you hire cleaners to come deep clean your house, your house is cleaner, but if you weren’t dusting or wiping your baseboards anyway, you haven’t saved any time.

She suggests outsourcing things that are actually taking up your time, like laundry, cooking, or cleaning the kitchen or picking up around the house instead, if you’re looking to free up your time for other things.

With that advice in mind, let’s get into the list of what different families outsource. For the sake of this list we’ll kind of lump motherhood and household management together, even though, as we talked about before, I recognize that these are not the same thing, and household management is definitely not just up to the mom. Also, I don’t count assigning tasks to other members of your family as outsourcing. That’s delegating.

Childcare

Let’s start with a big one: childcare. One of the big wakeup calls when you become a mom is just how intense the seemingly simple task of supervision can be. Someone always has to be at least in the same house as the baby. And this lasts years and years, until that blessed day when your oldest child is old enough to babysit.

The cheapest babysitter is the TV, once a kid is old enough. Yes, I actually came right out and said it. Of course I’m not saying you should sit your kid in front of the tv all day and go about your business. But let’s be real. Sometimes mom just needs an uninterrupted shower.
Extended family. Some of us are blessed to live near extended family who are willing and eager to watch our kids for free, so this would be the budget option. Obviously the key here is not to abuse it, so the goodwill will continue.
Swaps. The majority of my childcare outsourcing has always been swapping with other moms. I have two going on at the moment, with different friends on different days of the week. So one Monday my son’s friend comes to our house to play in the afternoon; the next week, my son goes over to his house. And I do the same thing on Wednesdays with another friend. It’s nice to make a regular schedule so you can actually plan what you’re going to do when you’re the one with time off. Mikenzie Wade switches off babysitting for another couple for date nights. Once a month she watches their kids and vice versa. Swapping childcare isn’t exactly free—since you repay in kind, but no cash actually exchanges hands.
Another twist on the babysitting swap is a three-way swap, or what I call the power of threes. I once had a great swap going with two friends, where two of us would go on a long bike ride together while the other one watched all three of our kids, and then we’d rotate. The magic of this was that we got to bike two out of every three swaps, and we had someone fun to bike with. Mikenzie Wade switches off babysitting for another couple for date nights. Once a month she watches their kids and vice versa.
Co-ops. Another free solution is to start or join a babysitting co-op. When I did it, my group used an app with a somewhat complicated point system. When we needed (or wanted) someone to watch our kids, we’d send out a group text, and anyone who was available would respond. We’d give them points for watching the kids, which they could then use to have other co-op members watch their kids. It was nice to have a large pool of friends to ask, and I liked that you could just respond to the requests when it was convenient. My sister used a similar system, but with popsicle sticks instead of points.
Rotating playgroups. It’s nice to have a regularly scheduled play group so you know you’ll have a set time each week to be kid-free. Totally worth the chaos when it’s your turn to host. I always started this at age 3—any younger and multiple kids are a lot to handle. For three-year-olds, four or five kids is the right number for me.
Mother’s helpers. Sometimes when my kids were younger, I would just find a 10-year-old who could entertain my kids while I was home. They’re young enough to enjoy playing with your kids and old enough to be helpful. Plus, they’re thrilled with $5 an hour. This was especially helpful when I was giving piano lessons to my older kids. I needed someone to keep the littles at bay.

Molly Liggett has six kids, and her house was crazy in the afternoons after school. Molly just didn’t have enough hands to take care of everyone’s needs, get them where they needed to go, and get dinner on the table. So she hired a high-school girl who comes two days a week to help with homework, piano practice, and take care of the younger kids. It’s been a game changer.
Babysitters. Outsourcing babysitters can range anywhere from a teenager on a weekend night to a live-in nanny. Prices have gone up since I was a teenager and used to babysit for $2 an hour, but ask other moms to get a feel for the going rate in your area.

When you need longer, more regular childcare, typical options are obviously daycare, preschools, before and after care at schools, or in-home care such as nannies or au pairs. As a bonus, sometimes in-home caregivers are willing to take on some of the household tasks as well. Heather Kellersberger hired her current nanny because in her interview she offered to take care of things like cleaning and cooking so Heather wouldn’t have to worry about that when she got home from work.

Food

Most of us leave the majority of the fruit and vegetable growing and pig slaughtering to other people and start our food outsourcing journey at the grocery store.

Online shopping. First of all, online ordering with either drive-up or delivery has changed my life! No more children begging for everything on the shelves. Now I only step inside a grocery store for odds and ends. Otherwise, I just drive up and the groceries get loaded right into my van. And pickup at Walmart is totally free!
Restaurants. Everyone needs a night off sometimes. With my big family, I don’t love going out to eat, so I usually order in once every couple of weeks, when I just don’t have the time or inclination to cook.
Frozen meals. Even this counts as outsourcing, since you didn’t have to make it. Give yourself permission to pop in a frozen lasagna every now and then.
Prepped ingredients. You can buy pre-prepped meal kits at grocery stores now, or just prepped ingredients, like prechopped fruits and veggies, or pre-marinated meat. And who doesn’t love a rotisserie chicken?
Ready-made meals at the grocery store.
Meal delivery services, such as Blue Apron, Plated, or Hello Fresh. I’ve never tried these, mostly because it’s not in our budget for a family of seven, but I know people who’ve loved them.
Make-ahead meals. Some places, such as Citrus Pear allow you to come in and make meals at their stations with their prepped ingredients that you can take home and prepare or freeze.
Meal exchanges. For a while, a lovely neighbor and I each took one day of the week and cooked for both families. It was so fun (and efficient), and infused my menu with fresh ideas. Miss you, Jill!
Private chef. The pricey option, but wouldn’t this be nice.

Cleaning

Cleaning swaps. Trade weeks with a friend and deep clean your houses while the kids play. It’s more fun to clean with a partner. Sarah Engebretson and her friend used to clean each other’s houses and switch off each week. Sarah would clean her friend’s house while her friend watched all the kids at Sarah’s house, and vice versa. It was easy for Sarah to put off cleaning her own house, but when she had a set date to be there for someone else, it made her accountable. Plus, she actually looked forward to the quiet time just cleaning and listening to a podcast or audio book. And her kids loved the play date.
House cleaners. Hiring cleaners can be a game changer, even if it’s just occasionally. This was my favorite baby shower gift. A bunch of friends pitched in to have a service come clean my house before one of my babies came.

I’ve hired two different women to clean my house in two different cities, and I was lucky enough to hire good friends both times. In both cases, they help me wherever I am, and we often clean together. If I need someone to help to dishes and pick stuff up, that’s what we do. If something needs a deep clean, that’s what we do. Currently, I help less, because I use the time to get my writing and recording done.

Clothes. Technically, if you don’t spin your own wool and sew your own clothes, you’re outsourcing. But here are some additional options:

Ironing. This is another thing I outsourced early in our marriage. Hurray for dry cleaners!
The whole shebang. You can hire someone to either come in and do all your laundry, or someone will pick it up and deliver it to you all fresh and clean. Never tried either one, but it sounds like a dream.
Personal shoppers. My neighbor uses an online personal stylist service, which sends her custom-picked clothes, and she can choose what to keep and send back. There are several services like this, such as Trunk Club and Stitch Fix.
Hand-me-downs. My personal favorite. My kids have benefitted greatly from friends who’ve given us their outgrown clothing. Plus, about half of my wardrobe came from a generous friend who gives me her hand-me-downs. She has great taste and I don’t have to go shopping.

Education

School. If you send your kids to a public or private school, rather than homeschooling, you’re outsourcing most of your kids’ education. If you homeschool, you probably at least outsource the curriculum.
Preschool co-ops. The inexpensive way to do preschool. Everyone takes a turn teaching.
Music lessons. I taught my kids piano until it became too much of a battle. Now I’m so happy to send them to another teacher.
Sports. My children would be hopeless klutzes if I were in charge of their physical education. Thank you to all the coaches who’ve helped them over the years!
Tutors. I haven’t hired tutors yet, but I’m thinking about it. This would be a great job for a high schooler.
Life skills. In her book The Parenting Breakthrough, Merrilee Boyack talks about how she enlisted the help of family and friends to teach her kids life skills like cleaning, fixing flat tires, etc. Sometimes kids learn much better from someone else.
In one of my very favorite episodes of the Family Looking Up podcast, called, How To Have the Best Summer With Our Kids, Jenny Layton shared a great outsourcing idea she uses with her kids in the summer. She identifies skills and talents her kids would love to develop, and then finds friends who excel in those areas to teach and mentor them. This is especially great for teenagers who are not old enough to get a job, so they have something productive to do in the summer.
One year, two friends and I did a summer swap where I taught singing and put together a musical group for all three of our children, one taught cooking classes, and one taught art classes. It was really fun and really free.

Bedtime Stories. I actually love reading bedtime stories. But sometimes it’s just not an option and you have to outsource. For our parents, this meant Teddy Ruxpin. For us, sometimes audiobooks, podcasts, and sites like Storyline Online are the only way the kids are going to get that bedtime story. And storytime at the library can also be considered free outsourcing.

Outdoor Chores. Teenagers are often the cheapest option, here, for tasks like shoveling snow, mowing, yard work, washing windows, and gardening.

Home Maintenance. You can hire decorators, painters, organizers, electricians, contractors, you name it.

Autopay. I love living in the digital age, so I don’t have to remember to pay bills.

Potty Training. Yes, this is a real thing, though it’s expensive and I’ve never done it. But a girl can dream. Angie Bevan’s mother actually gave her the invaluable gift of potty training all of her children. Amazing.

Hair cuts. We already established the fact that I don’t cut my husband’s hair. I’ve been back and forth about taking my kids to cheap salons or cutting it myself, but I’ve put them through enough bad haircuts by now that I’m actually not so bad at it these days. So I mostly cut my kids’ hair myself. Though with four sons I’m much better at boy cuts. The one haircut I gave my daughter ended up a lot shorter than planned!

Health. Most people at least outsource basic healthcare such as taking kids to the doctor or dentist. But going to the gym is also outsourcing health services, as is hiring a personal trainer or nutritionist.

Carpooling. And let’s not forget carpooling. What would we do without the ability to carpool to activities, birthday parties, and for the people who have enough spare seats, to school.

I’m sure there are so many great ways to outsource that I have totally missed here, but the point is to look at what you’re doing, figure out how you want to prioritize your time, and then get creative about both whatyou can outsource and how you could make it work for your schedule and budget. If you’re deliberate about it, you can free up time to focus on your priorities, like connecting with your family and building those relationships.